Idle Musings: The Original Zerg Rush

Prussians at the battle of Königgrätz. It went very well for them. For the Austrians, rather poorly.

Prussia’s victory against the Austrians in 1866 took a grand total of 7 weeks. In spite of the mythos surrounding the German soldier (hype which predates the actual Germany), it mostly came down to logistics. Prussia’s army was carefully organized for rapid mobilization, and a superior rail system allowed them to concentrate their troops far more quickly.

This all sounds pretty boring, so let me rephrase: you hear that Prussia’s declared war on you. You know it takes you about six and a half weeks to get everybody together. You assume it takes them the same. Three weeks in while you’re still getting everyone to stop singing about all the music in the hills and grab a rifle, two hundred thousand Prussians cross the border in this seething mob of blue uniforms and stabby helmets.

The Italians also join the Prussian side as an extra fuck you. And, just as if that weren’t bad enough, the Prussians have breech-loading rifles that they can lie down to reload. Your people still have muzzle loaders, requiring them to stand and cough politely while shoving another bullet down the barrel.

You get some good hits in, but lose the war. A few years later Germany becomes a nation, forever condemning you to be the second country people think of with regards to schnitzel and, indeed, noodles.

Side note: spaetzle are superior in every regard to standard noodles, and I disapprove of the Sound of Music’s lyrically-driven misrepresentation of Germanic cuisine. I mean, unless Austria doesn’t eat spaetzle, in which case I now have problems with Austria besides the fact that they effectively started World War 1.

(DISCLAIMER: Times and dates in this post are roughly accurate, not laser-designated. I’m only one man, and I’m busy in the mornings.)

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